Beginning or End

read somewhere ages ago “to the most advanced mind, death is but the next great adventure”…being a kid at that time, i happened to like it. i still do. because, somewhere down the line, it is in congruence with the higher truths of life…

but then, for once i would like to be not a learned and matured but a normal human being. death is loss and i can’t ravish in it. ever. any mention of death reminds me of march, 2004, the black friday (not sure whether it was friday) of my life…and many more associated with me. i woke up all excited for it was holi that day quite unaware of the fact that i will perhaps never play holi in my life again.

i woke up to learn of a loss in the family…an early loss. details, not necessary. my life has never been the same since. changed in a way quite invisible to others. yet, what gets me thinking is the suffering part. who suffers more in a death? the one who died or the ones left behind? very difficult to answer. we are left to walk on the memory lane and behold the pictures of beautiful glimpses…of times well spent…of near life experiences. fair or unfair?

true u go back to where u came from. true you submerge into the higher self. true u came from the ashes and u went back to it. but, as much as i try, i cannot comprehend the predicament of those who go to collect the ashes…perhaps i don’t want to. i know, i have miles to walk before i understand certain things. “everything that is created has to get destroyed” sounds good but doesn’t make me feel good. not at the moment at least…the flashback is too strong…a veil that doesn’t allow me look beyond the mundane.

life gives u a chance at being a phoenix only till u are alive…not thereafter. i find it difficult to live with this loss now that i am reminded of it.

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