.. is my standard reply to the question, “Why do you want to go for a PhD? Kya hoga aage padh ke? Kya zaroorat hai ye sab karne ki?”
Trust me when I say I get this a lot because I do get this a lot. Relatives, mostly people who have never studied, come and tell me “It is time to get married” … I have thrown my share of tantrums and had my share of fights with my parents for so much as bringing this up and I think I am now going to just give up answering and become temporarily deaf and start behaving like the ostrich who thinks the world doesn’t see it when it digs its head inside the ground. And at last, when they are done with their uninvited, uncalled for and unasked lecture/advice, I will just say “This is what I want to do in my life. I want to see a Dr. before my name. I want to study and study a lot. And teach too. I want to be an interesting teacher, a passionate teacher whose students don’t hate her just for existing. I have dared to know what I want for myself and I am going to go and dare to achieve it. And, I am most certainly not going to just impose myself on a stranger of a man before finding myself.” I am so sure that I will have to say it so many more times that I will have a signature face (like poker face) and people will understand my answer without me saying anything . As if marriage is your only aim in life if you are born in an Indian family.
You know, this rant could go on forever. But that was not the point of my post. Let me share a story with you.
I was returning from my Zumba class one evening. I had just started with them and was struggling with my stamina. A one hour class would leave me half dead & I still had to make it to home! My trainer asked if I needed a lift till half way and I gladly hopped in. Satyaki & I started talking about normal stuff : Dance, acquaintances, routines, dance festivals, health tips etc. She told me she had at least three zumba sessions each day (I couldn’t live through one). She talked about a typical day in her life. Take three mondays and put in a tuesday and half a wednesday; that’s what her sunday is like. I asked her how she manages. She said something really simple but inspiring. She said, “This is the life I chose for myself. I wanted to dance. I can’t and I am not complaining. It has not been easy. And it isn’t easy still. But it is always worth it. It always has been. I dance all the day, on most of the days. I wanted to do this!” She also mentioned about taking small naps whenever possible to save energy though. But that’s secondary
At times, it is very difficult. Because not everything that you come across on your way to becoming what you want to become will involve doing what you want to do. That’s the weight of the choices you make. I struggle too. It isn’t always sunshine. But I have come to like little bit of rains too. When it is raining, sometimes I choose to do nothing and enjoy the rain. Helps me get back to my stuff with a better mood. Of course when it rains too much, there is water logging (streets of Kolkata; what else would you expect) which is annoying. But that’s again not the point. Too much digression happening. Sheh!
But, I am in love with my dream, in love with me wanting to achieve this. And this helps me get up everyday and fight to protect my dream from my own crazy lazy couch potato self, helps me to do a few things which I never enjoyed doing. What you gonna do! Barter system. Give and take. Kuch paane ke liye kuch khona padegaa… I give up too. I get lost too. But then, it never lasts for more than 10 minutes. Because then I start giving gyaan to some other depressed friend of mine and come up with shit like this :
Being lost at times is okay.
Just, never give up on finding yourself back.
And I bounce back well in time