Brush strokes :)

Life is a canvas and we paint our own beautiful painting, we carve our own sculptures. Somewhere down the line, we all are artists of our own fate.

Read a line somewhere: today it may seem a vain line…but 10 years from now, u will eventually realise, that life is EXACTLY the way u want it to be, EXACTLY the way u see it…if u laugh, life is happy…if u cry, life is sad.

Back at home, when I go through my old days, my old things…it’s pure nostalgia and happiness…an amalgamation of ‘good good feeling’ and joy from the absence of regrets over anything…I feel glad for the things I did or the things I didn’t do…coz somewhere down the line I was correct for I have a beautiful life today, with beautiful people in it…

The moonlit sky studded with stars inspires me to go for it…the beauty is impeccable. It inspires me to paint…and I am doing the ‘magic painting’ that I used to do as a kid…wo aati hain naa special painting books…u only need to put water…wahi waali πŸ˜› . And I am reminded of my childhood. But, now that I look around for an improvised perspective…a beautiful picture comes up “Life has all colors in it…u just need to put the right amount of water to get the desired effect…but careful!!!…too little and it becomes parched; too much and becomes smudged.”

I want to paint…I used to be a good enough painter. Don’t know where it disappeared. The confident brush strokes of my life…they are hiding somewhere in the busier picture. Will have to find them. I want to hold back to certain things that appealed me always…as a child, as a teenager…and I find Wordsworth’s lines so apt now that I think about it…should not we cherish the things that bring us joy forever. Never let go something that brings a smile on your face…. In Wordsworth’s worthy words:

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky:

So was it when my life began

So is it now I am a man;

So be it when i shall grow old,

Or let me die!!!

Gyaan at a Parlour :)

It is always a treat to eavesdrop on random conversations when people are definitely not trying to hide their most outlandish snippets of wisdom. But, this is what helps you understand people around and comprehend human psyche better…because at the end of the day, we all are similar to at least some degree of commonness.

While traveling in buses, metro, walking etc. I get to pick up so many philosophies, come across so many temperaments…guess Kolkata could make a psychologist out of me πŸ˜› . And I am sharing it today because today I re-learned such an important lesson and that too in a ladies parlour πŸ™‚

A place where womenfolk from diverse backgrounds and walks of life come and share their hearts out, at a parlor any topic under the sun gets discussed. Today’s topic was New Year Celebrations. First ten minutes were crap…the customer describing her party at Delhi, sophisticated fun; not my type. Then one of the beauticians described her ghetto party…the fun they had on New Year at their pada(locality); ok, interesting. I too had tapori kinda New Year. Maybe she took an off that day.

But it was the owner’s answer that got my attention. She simply told, “Hum toh yehin parlor me they madam…sabko sundar bana rahe they unka new year party ke liye. bahut bheed tha us din…bahut saara appointments. 7 baje band hone waala us din hum log 9 baje band kiya…uske baad kahan itna takat tha khud party karne ka. customer ka new year happy kar ke, hum log soch liya hamara new year ban gaya…kaam sabse pehle madam. “

So profound and wise. Duty comes first. That lady taught me so much in 2 minutes. Got me thinking. All those people who work hard t make our New Year happy; and why only a new year. Every other festival for that matter. There are thousands of people giving up on their happy moments to make ours a success; at restaurants, clubs, shops and what not.

When there is work to be done, u cannot just sit back and enjoy. No one else is gonna come up and do our share of work. To have your bit of masti, you will have to do your bit of kaam as well…great thing I learned at such a random encounter. Wo kehte hain naa…gyaan toh kabhi bhi kahin bhi mil jaata hai…kisi se bhi mil jata hai. Never forsake an opportunity to learn something in life, be it anyone from whom that gyaan is coming πŸ™‚

New year resolutions

Another year gone by and a whole set of resolutions broken last year :P. But, I made new ones again. These are simple though. Not heavy ones like- “I will wake up early, I will eat less, I will study more” etc etc. I have resolved to do things that I love doing… yeye πŸ˜€

Here goes my list:

1. I will blog more, I will write more. It is time I did things that I like more and more.

2. I will read more books; books that I started but left midway, books that I want to read but haven’t granted myself with the privilege of the same, books that lie in want of my touch stashed mercilessly on my shelf…they deserve a better treatment and they shall have it.

3. I will take better care of myself…for myself πŸ™‚

4. I will try and add value to people whenever I can.

5. I will smile more, laugh more, live more. πŸ™‚

And of course, will try to keep these resolutions in tact, which, perhaps, is the biggest challenge of all. But most of all, it is a new start on old habits…which died out somewhere down the line.

I need a revival…and I am gonna have one for sure.

:(

i feel so afraid at times. all these exams i have taken…i realise that i don’t like any of it. this is not what i want to do…my music and my instrument have mismatched…big time. and m not liking it…at all.

where does my interest lie?…certainly not in solving stupidly useless mathematical problems…who cares if a pipe gets emptied in the umpteenth moment…sucker!! but, do i know what i want to do??…confusion hi confusion hai…solution kuch pata nahi…euugh!!!!..it’s a dirty feeling…

coz, i know i am failing a lot many people…a lot many expectations. i am sure i will do something worthy of my life…that eventually i will do what i want. if not the straight way then maybe after a detour. perhaps, what makes me more afraid is the fact that i might end up loosing some of the most prized people if i fail. as if, relationships depend on these trivial things…are they trivial? or does the dependence exist?…perhaps, it is more about me being able to face those people rather than they forgiving me…all they asked for is my success…and i wasn’t able to give it to them…scares the hell out of me…

then again, there is this feeling; that i should be working for my own self…not for anyone else…and then again there is this feeling: that fear is death…that i shouldn’t be afraid…these exams are no rocket science i know. anyone can do it with the right mind set…but what if this is not what i want to do…guess its too late for eliminating this wrong option.

i am sorry to all those whom i have failed and m failing…this is not what i wanted…pls don’t judge on the basis of my success on pen and paper…judge me as a human being.

to the few who matter the most…whom i can’t afford to loose

A day to Remember !!!

wow feeling!!!

ever made a memory that will live beyond you? agar banayi hai toh u would know what i mean. and if u haven’t made anything of that sort yet; don’t worry…life is long for you. memories hi nahi banai…zindagi lambi toh lagegi hii naa

yesterday was so awesome…pepperchino, mama, mumma…the ride, the ganges and the photo session…even the cranky boat wallah seemed so hilarious…the rude chai wallah seemed so sabhya. essence of bengal with punjabi and bihari tadka…from a rajashthani point of view πŸ™‚ wow…totally fab!!!

the humor was out of the world. but the most beautiful moments that would be so difficult to describe would all be the ones in the math and the temple. show stoppers of the day. it is so true to the word: there is maximum peace at the feet of the almighty…where all predicaments get answered, where the soul rinses itself off the mundane dirt…there is immense tranquility in the vistas of godly presence…all one needs is an honest effort to map the horizons.

spiritual fun at it’s best…the memory is perfect because it has perfect people…and finally some awesome clicks of the day πŸ™‚

bally bridge

sunset over ganges

sunset over ganges

dakshineshwar ghat

dakshineshwar ghat

belur math

belur math main temple

Am I Spiritual?

suddenly, out of the blue, i remember an FB comment…”i didn’t know u were so spiritual”. it really got me thinking. am i spiritual? coz, somewhere i believe, spirituality and laziness are like sour neighbors…never together. and perhaps i’m too lazy to be conventionally spiritual.

conventionally spiritual? yeah…like the 100s around me. or 1000s for that matter. people wake up early, have a bath the first thing. ok, maybe the second πŸ˜› . before having anything, they do their puja. it’s nice. brings a routine and discipline into lives. maybe that’s what is the purpose behind it- enforcing a discipline. good hai naa. but the sad part is, i get disqualified on these grounds πŸ™

i wake up late (that’s because i sleep late…wow!! what an excuse), i never have a fixed time forΒ  bath. it’s not that i sit infront of the mandir daily though i should, at least for 5 mins. phew!!..serious lack in life.

but, i do a lot of temples. any deity. i just love the serenity, the dignified peace even it’s a chaos over there. i went last sunday…enjoyed ganges, enjoyed the peace of ramkrishna ji’s ashram. alas! i forgot to pray. i stood there and just thought “god! m so confused. i don’t now what i want to ask you for.” it happens with me always. i never know what i should tell him when i go to tell him. so, i do that as and when i remember.

does that qualify for spirituality? i guess not…

Somebody said ‘Why is love…’

well somebody asked…actually people keep asking this question to themselves…oops!!! question toh likha hi nahi πŸ˜›

the million dollar question is “why is love so difficult? why is loving someone so difficult?”

sick questions !!…and the most diseased part is the fact that we always associate this love with conjugal love only πŸ™ . couldn’t we love other people around equally? mom, dad, siblings, friends…there are so many we love..but pyaar sunte hi dimag unidirectional ho jaata hai…phew!!…it is very beautiful to love your friends like mad, to love your siblings and parents as if they are the last people on earth..but nahi!! hum toh hum hain πŸ™‚ aur jo sudhar jaye woh hum nahi…haha

this question always makes me smile(sick question…but still i smile). like everything else in life, we complicate love as well…the 4 syllable word ‘expectation’ is the reason behind it…sounds heavy i know. so let us simplify it. loving your father is easy isn’t it? because he is your father and he does so much for you…believe me, it will much easier if you also remember that after 18 he has all the rights in the world to throw you out but he doesn’t. selfless love. itna pyaar hai toh aur kuch kyun expect karna…realization time.

love people just for the sake of loving…not because of what they do for you. then it becomes easy and worthy. be selfish in love. love a person, share a special relationship. but not only because of who that person is, but also because of who u are…it is easy to love an absolutely amazing human being. but it becomes simplified if you do not expect things in return…if you love someone/something just because u want to…will help in appreciating the better things in life…

least expectations. that is why “‘when someone asked ‘why is love difficult?’ i just smiled…i thought i knew the truth”…

is it so… πŸ™‚

CAT Diaries

sitting for CAT…bass 3 din aur (i tried putting a smiley but could not find the exact one that would depict my state at the moment)

my journey began last year…seems like i wasted a lot of time not studying for it. but, there is no use crying over spilled milk…even Rowling’s magic won’t be able to bring it back to the bowl. but it has been nice never the less…career launcher has been a great milestone in my acad journey….not sure whether i’ll be able to get through this year or not. but, the association has been wonderful. more then the ratios and proportions of numbers, i got to know the angles and theorems that cover life…

met some wonderfully wonderful people on my way…people who changed the way i look at life…great teachers who motivated and inspired, who emphasized the importance of not giving up the fight…

these lines have always fascinated me

” stick to the fight when you are hardest hit,

it’s when things are worst that you must not quit, rest if u must but do not quit”

and..i have understood this better than ever with CL.

the events, the workshops, the teaching sessions…they are experiences and memories. moments that taught me the importance of wholesome learning, of intellect and knowledge and not mere knowing…that told me where i stand in the midst of all this (nowhere…no wholesome learning πŸ˜› )

some friendships strengthened during this journey…some instances that have become eternal. though i never quite enjoyed studying for CAT, i liked the peregrination that i did, from knowing nothing to knowing something.

3 days from now, life won’t be very different. the sun will be the same, the sky will be the same, the breaths will be same. it is a test of not what i know but who i am…and that ‘who’ part takes a lifetime to develop. so…it will let me know where i need to go in life..it will tell me how i will reach that point…waiting for the kill..that will let me understand me better, understand life better πŸ™‚