In Retrospect… The last few months

The last few months, to be honest, have been quite eventful. A whirlwind ride… some absolutely wonderful new entries, some major setbacks… failures, successes…. in all, a memorable journey; an album worth watching in flashback…

Summing up those eventful events, in case I wish to get back to them. Which, I know i will :)

1) Made few wonderful friends… Friendships I will cherish for more than a lifetime.

2) Screwed the most important exam of my life… In the course, screwed a few other things that I should have cared for, for life… Bah !! Life’s most important exam is LIFE itself. And no body screws it :) even if they want to.

3) Found my long lost love, my writing coming back to me. One of the best things that happened so far. Wrote a few things that will keep inspiring me for days to come. Yes ! Some of my own pieces make me smile… :)

4) Learned the importance of caring for a few people more than yourself… learned the importance/ beauty of being meticulous in relationships. Total awesomeness.

5) It was pure chance and randomness that led to me understanding what I want to do in life. And thank God I understood… it makes a huge part of me hassle free, clears loads of things.

6) Learned that good things do happen; sometimes just out of the blue. Did well(better than expected I mean) in XAT. Unexpected. Got a call from XIMB. Even more unexpected… The story continues though… Wait for the upcoming points :)

 7) XIMB diaries- Slogged like anything to try and convert. But. Did. Not. :( …And, that is when I realised two very important truths about my life- There is a bigger plan for me and there is a 24×7 awesome friend for me :) … Dost, I promise lifetime servitude :)

8 ) Started working for the first time :) And I am absolutely loving the experience. Though, I do realise that I am not meant for it… Realizations galore !! :)

9) One of my best achievements, my Facebook Vocabulary group got deleted. Screw FB damn. It had 4000 members which we had religiously and laboriously accumulated over a period of one year. Bah !!.. Does this stop us ? NO… The Vocab Dhaba is very much there… and going strong :)

10) The latest one- took a decision. Not many liked it. But, thank God for giving me the strength to stick to it. I will make sure that it happens the way I have thought about it… Just be with me through thick and thin.

In short… in the last few months, I came to know who I really AM…

Just one suggestion- Finding yourself. It is the most exciting treasure hunt you can ever indulge into… much better than indulging yourself into the lesser intricacies of life.

:(

i feel so afraid at times. all these exams i have taken…i realise that i don’t like any of it. this is not what i want to do…my music and my instrument have mismatched…big time. and m not liking it…at all.

where does my interest lie?…certainly not in solving stupidly useless mathematical problems…who cares if a pipe gets emptied in the umpteenth moment…sucker!! but, do i know what i want to do??…confusion hi confusion hai…solution kuch pata nahi…euugh!!!!..it’s a dirty feeling…

coz, i know i am failing a lot many people…a lot many expectations. i am sure i will do something worthy of my life…that eventually i will do what i want. if not the straight way then maybe after a detour. perhaps, what makes me more afraid is the fact that i might end up loosing some of the most prized people if i fail. as if, relationships depend on these trivial things…are they trivial? or does the dependence exist?…perhaps, it is more about me being able to face those people rather than they forgiving me…all they asked for is my success…and i wasn’t able to give it to them…scares the hell out of me…

then again, there is this feeling; that i should be working for my own self…not for anyone else…and then again there is this feeling: that fear is death…that i shouldn’t be afraid…these exams are no rocket science i know. anyone can do it with the right mind set…but what if this is not what i want to do…guess its too late for eliminating this wrong option.

i am sorry to all those whom i have failed and m failing…this is not what i wanted…pls don’t judge on the basis of my success on pen and paper…judge me as a human being.

to the few who matter the most…whom i can’t afford to loose

CAT Diaries

sitting for CAT…bass 3 din aur (i tried putting a smiley but could not find the exact one that would depict my state at the moment)

my journey began last year…seems like i wasted a lot of time not studying for it. but, there is no use crying over spilled milk…even Rowling’s magic won’t be able to bring it back to the bowl. but it has been nice never the less…career launcher has been a great milestone in my acad journey….not sure whether i’ll be able to get through this year or not. but, the association has been wonderful. more then the ratios and proportions of numbers, i got to know the angles and theorems that cover life…

met some wonderfully wonderful people on my way…people who changed the way i look at life…great teachers who motivated and inspired, who emphasized the importance of not giving up the fight…

these lines have always fascinated me

” stick to the fight when you are hardest hit,

it’s when things are worst that you must not quit, rest if u must but do not quit”

and..i have understood this better than ever with CL.

the events, the workshops, the teaching sessions…they are experiences and memories. moments that taught me the importance of wholesome learning, of intellect and knowledge and not mere knowing…that told me where i stand in the midst of all this (nowhere…no wholesome learning :P )

some friendships strengthened during this journey…some instances that have become eternal. though i never quite enjoyed studying for CAT, i liked the peregrination that i did, from knowing nothing to knowing something.

3 days from now, life won’t be very different. the sun will be the same, the sky will be the same, the breaths will be same. it is a test of not what i know but who i am…and that ‘who’ part takes a lifetime to develop. so…it will let me know where i need to go in life..it will tell me how i will reach that point…waiting for the kill..that will let me understand me better, understand life better :)