What every Father needs to teach his Son!

This is a reblog. But I just couldn’t ‘not share’ this.

Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable so that conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well – following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is, there will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.

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Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.

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A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing – or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.

Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.

Ultimately, it’s what you want.

Courtesy : Nate Pyle (http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/)

Have you ever really loved a Woman…

I am sure you have heard this awesome song by Bryan Adams. If not, do it now –HERE .But before, do complete the post. For, I have found no better way to understand what love is for a woman.

- If your lady loves you, really loves you, she will be very vulnerable in your presence. And if you really love her, don’t let her be so vulnerable ! Be a strength for her, not a weakness and show her that you are a strength.

- If your lady loves you, she will always want to hold hands, lie down with arms around you, just want you to hold her (may be not beyond always). If you lover her, oblige 50% of the times. Don’t spoil her habits ! :P

- Your lady will always appreciate a kiss on the forehead more than anywhere else(I know what u are thinking & I am not venturing into that part here ;) ). Make it sudden, more frequent and longer. She will be yours forever. Somehow it does mean a lot to them.

- Your lady will always want a passionate hug after the end of a tiring day. Don’t spoil it by doing whatever everytime !! Let her melt away as long as she wants to. It is these moments that they remember most :)

- Notice her in silence. It is her small nuances that will make you understand her. Yes, saying is important. But, sometimes a silent conversation is easier to put across your emotions. Hold her, listen to her heartbeats. They speak louder than words. Let her hold you. Trust me you do not need words to talk.

Mean a lot to her in your own special way. Do not ever use raised voices. However strong she might be, be tender. It is difficult only when we put a lot of effort. Because, love as I believe – is one of the most effortless emotions. You just have to be true to yourself.

My fav lines from the song…

Hear every thought, See every dream
Give her wings, when she wants to fly. 

10 things one should know about Women

Okay it is a cliched title. But, it comes from a woman. A woman’s take on how women are !

I have been made to get into this habit of absolutely planning out blogposts before they are on roll. But, sometimes, it is a just a super random thing like today. One of those days when I do not understand – why are women like this !

(Katrina Kaif because I love this picture :) )

Women and Love

1) There is no creature in the world which can love like a woman does. Not humanly or non-humanly possible. She can stop showing but she cannot stop caring. Ever. Not in her nature.

2) Women do not fall out of love (another side of the 1st point). Yes they move on. They can love other people. But with all their heart, they can love only one person in their whole life. No one can change it.

3) As in love; so in jealousy. Heard this somewhere and found it to be really true – “A jealous woman is a better detective than any trained one” :P … The woman who says she is not jealous is lying, to be very honest. Jealousy is ingrained in women as deep as (to the point of exaggeration) Marina Trench is deep into the earth :) . And yes, there is absolutely no logic behind them getting jealous. But still they do.

Women Rules

4) We love breaking rules. We set the rules ‘no expectations’ but we end up expecting the most out of people. And as the ‘expectation story’ goes, they never get fulfilled. And then comes the crankiness. We cannot say that we started expecting things out of people because it was our RULE to ‘not expect’ … I swear ! Sometimes, the complexities of being a woman amazes me.

5) It is true when men say – it is difficult to understand women. Our mood swings are as erratic as the MET’s predictions. Nothing doing. One moment we are all happy and next moment the clouds of irritation start looming large. Ofcourse it will always be related to something we cannot have ! :P

6) Women love shopping ! Or Presents for that matter. They might say that they don’t need it. In fact, my favorite dialogues (used some of them myself) – “Please ! I don’t need it now” / “You don’t have to spend so much on me” / “I won’t be able to gift a better one” . Modesty I tell you. The insides are brimming with joy that someone finds us special enough to gift us something. Crazy women :)

Funny but that’s how we are ! 

7) Dear Men. You check out every woman on the road. We check out only the classy ones :D … Yes. We do. And we too analyze them the same way as you do. Ok may be we don’t get into the depths of imagination. But yes, and we can tell more about a woman from that check out session than you can. Okay ! no competition. I think we differ in the basic perspective :)

8 ) We fuss over things and we like them to be perfect. I know it gets irritating after a level. We start the criticising session which everyone hates. Sometimes even we do. Ah ! Difficult task. Being a woman. I tell you. We fiddle and fidget with table cloths, bed sheets, wardrobes, desks etc etc but then – that is what makes a home right ! Though, there are breeds of disorganized women too (I being one of them :P ) … Lemme give a secret. If your woman loves you, your home will never be messy.

9) Women love praise. We absolutely love it. We will keep on saying, “It’s okay. I did it for you. You don’t have to thank. You are a friend. Are you in a bad mood; since you are praising me.” And all those cheesy lines. But, andar ke baat ye hai ki, we feel really happy when someone does that. Okay. Lemme tell you one more ‘andar ki baat’ – Most of the times, we do know whether the praise is real or perfunctionary. But then, we just take it because, it is true that when we do something, we do it for ourselves and not for anyone else. It is all because it matters to us. Not because it does to the person we did it for.

10) Yes we believe in happy endings. What’s wrong in being at least this mushy ? It is chocolate that melts a woman to a great level. But it is only love that melts her to the greatest level.  A movie dialogue and a random quotation I would like to quote (forgot the author).

Dialogue – “A woman only wants that she be loved by her man in a way that no one else has ever loved anyone in this world.” (Rab ne bana di Jodi) …  Yes it is true. Whatever kind of woman your woman is, if you love her like this, she is yours forever. And it doesn’t take 24 hours a day to do that. Just 10 minutes which are akin to moments worthy of 24hrs would suffice.

Thought – ” The most precious possession that comes to a man is a woman’s heart” . True, but I won’t explain. Fall in love in a pure way and you will get to see for yourself.

Attention !! This post has been co-written by Ankita Jha (a maverick friend of mine) … and, Sorry if any lady gets hurt or feels ‘Hey ! I am not like this’ – baby, get a grip. Truth hurts :) … Even I am like this and I am proud to be like this.

Betiyaan toh sirf Ek Ehsaas hai :)

The best lines you will ever read on ‘Daughters’. The hardest you will struggle to bite back the tears & fight back that constricted feeling in your throat. That. Poetry. By Shailesh Lodha (Taarak Mehta fame).

Kya likhun ?…
Ki woh pariyon ka roop hoti hai…
Ya kadakti thand mein suhaani dhoop hoti hai…

Wo hoti hai udaasi ke har marz ki dawa ki tarah…
Ya os mein sheetal hawa ki tarah…
Woh chidiyon ki chehchahahat hai,
Ya ke nishchal khilkilahat hai…

Woh aangan mein faila ujaala hai..
Ya mere gusse pe laga taala hai…
Woh pahad ki choti pe suraj ki kiran hai…
Ya zindagi sahi jeene ka aacharan hai…

Hai woh takat jo chote se ghar ko mahal bana de…
Hai woh kaafiya jo kisi gazal ko mukkamal kar de…
Kya likhun ??…
Woh akshar jo na ho toh varn maala adhoori hai…
Woh, jo sabse zaada zaroori hai…

Ye nahi kahoonga ki woh har waqt saath saath hoti hai,
Betiyaan toh sirf ek ehsaas hoti hain :)

Uski aankhein, naa mujhse gudiya maangti hai na khilone,

kab aaoge, bass ek chota sa sawaal suno naa…
Apni majboori ko chupate huye deta hoon main jawaab
Taareekh batao, time batao… apni ungliyon pe karne lagti hai woh hisaab
Aur jab main nahi de pata sahi sahi jawaab…
Apne aansuon ko chupane ke liye
Chehre pe rakh leti hai kitaab

Woh mujhse australia mein chuttiyaan, mercedes to drive,
5 star mein dinner ya mehenge Ipods nahi mangti…
Na woh dher se paise piggy bank mein udhelna chahti hai
Woh bas kuch der mere saath khelna chahti hai…

Aur main kehta hoon yehi…
ki beta bahut kaam hai.. nahi karunga toh kaise chalega…
Majboori bhare duniya daari ke jawaab dene lagta hoon…

Aur woh jhuta hi sahi,
Mujhe ehsaas dilati hai..
Ki jaise sab kuch samajh gayi ho..
Lekin aankhein band kar ke roti hai…
Jaise sapne mein khelte hue mere saath soti hai..

Zindagi na jaane kyun itni ulajh jaati hai…
Aur hum samajhte hain, betiyaan sab samajh jaati hain.. :)

And, here is the video as recited my the poet himself !

Time Tested Beauty Tips :)

Ok… I haven’t written them. Just came across these wonderful lines. Hope every woman connects :)

TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS:-

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/ her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge and you will never walk alone.
- Sam Leveson

So simple, so serene…so true. :)

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She is a woman… :)

Women in a few lines-

Wo aasha hai…
Wo abhilaasha…

Wo apnepan ki…paribhasha…

Wo saath chale
Bann ke saaya…

Us sey jeevan…bantaa aaya…

Wo dukh sehti sukh deti hai
Wo aansu bhi pee leti hai…

Har pal ko madhur banane ki…
Jeevan bhar saath nibhane ki…

Ye… ek koshish…

Beautiful song from an old television program. And I believe it aptly sums up every aspect of womanhood. To the men out there- don’t make futile plans for your lady. If it’s not everyday that you make her life beautiful, one day won’t make a difference!!!

A journey in a line- From a small seed to a towering tree, from a mere mass of protoplasm to a thinking, breathing, loving being…life is not easy. It’s a journey of compassion, nurturing and forbearance… a journey only women can undertake.

Of learning and unlearning; of loving and loosing; of giving and only giving; of simply loving… of living!!!

A journey only women can undertake :)

She is your words and your eyes, your ears and your senses…your refuge from everything…your solution to life- she is a Mother!!!

 

 

 

 


She is your roof, your shade…your soul mate. She is the one who knows you more than you- she is a Lover!!!

 

 

 


She is a bundle of joy…with her minute arms and huge eyes; a gift to cuddle and snuggle into- she is a Daughter!!

 

 


She is the foundation of the beauty you call home; she takes care of your home, your children so that you can go out there and be yourself; she is your confidante- she is your Wife!!!

 

 

 

She spreads smiles and makes your life easy
In taking care of you she feels happy…
In praying for you, she feels blessed…
a selfless soula benevolent gift :)

It’s just another day- a beautiful day for us… :)

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY…to all the beautiful women out there.

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Gyaan at a Parlour :)

It is always a treat to eavesdrop on random conversations when people are definitely not trying to hide their most outlandish snippets of wisdom. But, this is what helps you understand people around and comprehend human psyche better…because at the end of the day, we all are similar to at least some degree of commonness.

While traveling in buses, metro, walking etc. I get to pick up so many philosophies, come across so many temperaments…guess Kolkata could make a psychologist out of me :P . And I am sharing it today because today I re-learned such an important lesson and that too in a ladies parlour :)

A place where womenfolk from diverse backgrounds and walks of life come and share their hearts out, at a parlor any topic under the sun gets discussed. Today’s topic was New Year Celebrations. First ten minutes were crap…the customer describing her party at Delhi, sophisticated fun; not my type. Then one of the beauticians described her ghetto party…the fun they had on New Year at their pada(locality); ok, interesting. I too had tapori kinda New Year. Maybe she took an off that day.

But it was the owner’s answer that got my attention. She simply told, “Hum toh yehin parlor me they madam…sabko sundar bana rahe they unka new year party ke liye. bahut bheed tha us din…bahut saara appointments. 7 baje band hone waala us din hum log 9 baje band kiya…uske baad kahan itna takat tha khud party karne ka. customer ka new year happy kar ke, hum log soch liya hamara new year ban gaya…kaam sabse pehle madam. “

So profound and wise. Duty comes first. That lady taught me so much in 2 minutes. Got me thinking. All those people who work hard t make our New Year happy; and why only a new year. Every other festival for that matter. There are thousands of people giving up on their happy moments to make ours a success; at restaurants, clubs, shops and what not.

When there is work to be done, u cannot just sit back and enjoy. No one else is gonna come up and do our share of work. To have your bit of masti, you will have to do your bit of kaam as well…great thing I learned at such a random encounter. Wo kehte hain naa…gyaan toh kabhi bhi kahin bhi mil jaata hai…kisi se bhi mil jata hai. Never forsake an opportunity to learn something in life, be it anyone from whom that gyaan is coming :)

DAUGHTER’S DAY

i came across this message at a seminar for awareness against female foeticide…beautiful lines

os ki boond si hoti hai betiyaan,

khurdura ho sparsh toh roti hai betiyaan,

roshna karega beta toh bass ek hi kul ko,

do do kulon ki laaj ko dhoti hai betiyaan,

koi nahi hai doston ek doosre se kam,

heera agar hai beta toh saccha moti hoti hai betiyan,

kaanton ki raah pe ye khud hi chalti rahengi,

auron ke liye phool hi boti hai betiyaan,

vidhi ka vidhaan hai yehi, duniya ki rasam hai,

kehne ko parayi amanat, par beton se bhi apni hoti hai betiyaan.

HAPPY DAUGHTER’S DAY to all the beautiful women out there..we are very special to our parents..

Why love Women?

as hard as i try it’s just not coming to me…what should i write. it seems i am suffering from lack of good ideas. my saviour, my sister. she came up with a real good one, but i still don’t know what to write. and just then i remember a text message in my phone…maybe u have come across it, read it loads of times…but yet it’s worth one more read..have a look:

why girls are worth loving?

here are some answers:

they always smell good, even if its just shampoo

the way they sleep on your shoulders

the ease with which they fit in your arms

the way they kiss you and everything in the world seems right

somehow they are always warm, even when it’s cold outside

the way they say i miss u

the way they fall into your arms when they cry

the way their tears make u want to change the whole world, so that it doesn’t hurt them

because once they come in your life, whatever they are to the world

they become everything to you…

to the person who wrote this msg..thank you

to all those who read it..hope u found a connect somewhere..