A lot has changed since I posted last on my blog on June 16, 2018. I must must appreciate my amazing friend Umang for keeping my writer’s dream alive since 2010, even though I have had a writer’s block for most of the last 15 years. You are the best US! Only the fortunate get to call you their friend 🙂

I have written a million blog posts in my head every day for the last few years. But I never had the heart to write them down. What hasn’t changed in the last 6 years is my inability to express myself freely, even when no one is reading my posts 🙂 For someone with a PhD in marketing, I sure have never marketed myself well! But then, those who know me well know how acute my imposter syndrome is. Are we handling it? A bit (might do a post on the Dunning Kruger effect to take stock of this).

Lots to write about. My dashboard is actually home to a lot of deleted posts. Writings that I no longer relate to. Or musings that I have moved on from. My last post was about how much I learned about myself during my PhD and how it was a life-changing, life-affirming journey. Yet, when I reminisce, even today I learn a bit more about myself every day.

Big update: your girl got married! Finally gave in to all the pressure of being a ‘spinster madu’ girl at 33. Just kidding (Nope. The pressure was quite real.) But found a good person after A LO-OO-T of searching. More about him later (if I continue writing. Given my past record, I am not making any promises to myself). Life is good for now.

Bigger update: your girl is going to move to the Netherlands (if the embassy Gods bless me with a hallowed visa). The wait is harrowing you guys! It is no mean feat to wait and wait and think about leaving behind a life that you dreamt of and carefully created for yourself, while you wait 🙂 To leave behind most of what you think is familiar, is not easy. But I am doing it because everything that I have read, lived, understood, and experienced about life, spirituality, relationships, and living tells me it is the right move. “If you don’t belong to a place, you belong to the whole world.”

And so, the anxiety is quite real but we are doing it. I am hopeful that I can consciously recreate a lovely life regardless of where I am. Because ideally, the life I create depends on who I am as much as the cards I am dealt with. Right? We will see 🙂

Anything worth doing was probably never easy anyway. Heard this beautiful, relevant, and highly relatable story. It inspired me to finally login to my blog and type after 6 years.

The “Nachiketa Samvad” comes from the ‘Kathopanishad”. A famous story about the conversation between Yama, the Lord of Death, and Nachiketa, the brilliant young son of Rishi Vajashrava. You can find the detailed story here. I will just present what stood out most to me.

श्रेयश्च प्रेयश्च मनुष्यमेतस्तौ सम्परीत्य विविनक्ति धीरः।
श्रेयो हि धीरोऽभि प्रेयसो वृणीते प्रेयो मन्दो योगक्शेमाद्‌वृणीते ॥
Kathopanishad (1.2.2) 

In common parlance, wisdom is in choosing to do that which may be difficult today (shreyas) but yields long-term benefit and creates lasting value over choosing preyas; that which is easy and pleasurable today and gives an illusion of happiness. Preyas may not give you long-term benefit because it simply caters to your instant gratification. It speaks of inculcating a sense of balance where you do not wile away your shreyas in pursuit of ephemeral preyas.

During my online consumer behavior class, I have often touched upon the theory of “procrastination vs impulse”. The research comes from a branch of behavioral economics which talks about how consumers tend to procrastinate with their decisions because choices become difficult when there is short term pain but long term gain. Conversely, consumers tend to be impulsive with choices that yield short term gain because they are impervious to the long term pain the choices may bring. The theory says that we do so because when the consequences of our decisions are spread over a long period of time, it’s difficult to anticipate the outcomes. Hence we procrastinate. And vice versa for our impulsive ‘2-minute maggi noodles’ type indulgences – the binge watch, the junk eating, the procrastination when it comes to fitness, the delaying the big financial decisions and so much more. They seem easy hence we stick to them. What we can’t see makes us anxious and makes the choice difficult. The research on procrastination being an emotions management issue and not a time management issue is quite deep. I did not start the blogpost thinking I would get here. So, more on it in a different post.

Of two things I am quite certain: 1) The scholar who researched procrastination and impulse quietly read the “Kathopanishad” and told no one about it. The Upanishads don’t mind if you don’t cite them in your ground breaking research. 2) How easy it is to teach and forget. I have been teaching and forgetting about shreyas and preyas for 5 years now. Maybe I am not so different from my students after all. They too forget everything discussed in class the moment they leave 🙂

It’s a wonderful opportunity to test the fabric I am made of, to say yes to all that comes in life, to explore a new world, and to just flow with life. And this is how I am reminding myself every day that I need to grab this opportunity with grace, not apprehension. I have a long line of thoughts on my reminder-to-self list about why this next chapter is important, and I might share those here some day.

For now, here’s something I read a long time ago –

Kyun soche ki kya hoga.
Kuch nahi toh tajurba hoga.

Leaving it to destiny. To God. And a bit to myself and my substance.

P.S – Here’s to coming back to writing after 6 long years. Here’s also hoping it continues. I have a lot of lame thoughts about life and living that I should be pinning down, God willing.